


Appreciation and Loss

by LokiFirefox



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-20
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2017-12-09 00:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/767688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiFirefox/pseuds/LokiFirefox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You never know what you have until you lose it, or almost lose it. Will Sam have the courage to reach out for something that he knows will hurt him once it's gone?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Another Shooting Star-inspired fic.

When the first gunshot fired, everyone couldn't believe it at first. Everyone was thinking, that wasn't a gunshot was it? Surely not here? That happened in other places, not here! Then the second shot sounded and everyone suddenly realized that this _was_ happening here. But no one moved until a piercing scream cut through the air and the sound of running and panic and shouts could be heard from outside.

That caused Mr. Schuester and Coach Beiste to burst into action. Coach turned off the lights and locked the doors while Mr. Schue got everyone settled and taking out their phones to let people outside know what was happening. 

The fear lay heavy in the air, a more useful deterrent to noise than any warnings Mr. Schue or Coach could make. Although the muffled sobs of Marley, Kitty and Unique would sometimes break through, a sound of comfort from one of their friends would settle them quickly. 

"Tina isn't here," Artie suddenly whispered, and all noises stopped as everyone started to look around and take stock. 

"Sugar isn't here either," Ryder whispered back. 

"She said she was going to call her dad before coming here," Kitty replied. Their voices almost overlapping each other trying to get comfort in the knowledge that maybe their friends are safe. 

"Tina just texted me back!" Artie said in an excited whisper. "She's outside with Sugar!" 

"Guys, keep it down," Mr. Schue told them and the room got quiet. But even he couldn't help but worry about his kids. "And the others?" he quietly asked. 

"Joe didn't come in to school today," Jake quickly supplied. "He called in sick." 

"Where's Blaine?" Sam's voice sounded loud. He didn't whisper, it was a demand. 

"Sam, keep it down," Mr. Schue admonished. 

"Blaine said Coach Sylvester called for him so he was going to see her before glee," Brittany replied. 

Sam quickly scurried across the floor towards the door. Everyone was shocked at how fast Sam moved and they didn't realize what he was going to do until it was too late. 

"Sam! Get back here!" Coach Beiste whispered harshly as Mr. Schue scrambled to get to the other door on the other side of the room but Sam had opened it and was through it and was gone. 

Brittany made a sound like a low moan as both Ryder and and Unique grabbed her to keep her from following Sam. 

"Keep her there! No one move!" Mr. Schue directed everybody with a voice that brooked no opposition. Brittany just collapsed into Ryder's arms, her sobs muffled by his chest as Unique held her tight on her other side. 

Mr. Schue was torn. One of his kids just ran out into danger but he had a roomfull of kids that needed him, too. He didn't know where his responsibility lay. 

"Go Will, I'll watch over the others," Coach quickly said. 

"Thanks Shannon," Mr. Schue replied gratefully and quietly opened the door. He looked at Jake, who was closest, and said. "Lock it behind me. Don't open it for anything. If I come back here at all I'll go through the other way, do you understand?" 

Jake nodded and Mr. Schue slipped out. 

oOo 

Sam wasn't thinking. All he knew was that his best friend was out there where he could be in danger. The fact he chose the door that Mr. Schue or Coach weren't at was completely accidental as that was the door closest to the way to Coach Sylvester's office. If they said that Blaine was in the bathroom he would have found himself barreling through both his teachers to get to the other door as that was the one closest to the toilets. 

But Sam wasn't actively thinking that. He just had one thought, _Get to Blaine_. Everything else was just happening in the background. He had tunnel vision, anything that didn't help him get to Blaine he discarded as unimportant or he simply ignored it. Stealth would slow him down so he ran full tilt down the middle of the corridor. He was going to Coach Sue's office and he took the most direct route he knew. 

He rounded a corner and saw two men in black standing with guns. They weren't looking at him so he ignored them. They were looking at a group of people in front of the door to Coach Sylvester's office. The people kneeling looked like paramedics.

Sam unconsciously thought it was funny that Coach Sylvester had an unusual print on her track suit as she generally chose a one-color scheme. She seemed to be wearing red gloves that matched the color on her suit. 

Then he saw a leg sticking out past the back of one of the paramedics. A leg that was covered in red athletic pants. Red, _Cheerio_ athletic pants. The kind worn by the male Cheerios. Like Blaine. 

"Blaine?" Sam didn't realize he spoke out loud. He didn't register Becky wrapped in a blanket held by a female officer sobbing and wailing on the side. He saw but didn't react to Coach Sylvester allowing herself to be pushed to the side, her body shaking. He didn't hear the "All clear!" that was echoed all across the school. He didn't feel the three SWAT officers trying to hold him back as he surged forward. All he could think about was Blaine. _Get to Blaine_.That was Blaine, on the floor. On the red floor. The floor was red. 

Blood. That was blood. Blaine's blood.

Sam lost it.


	2. Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to pukaroxliza for being an awesome beta.

Will was quietly walking down the corridor when he heard the all clear. He sighed in relief and quickly took off, running down to Sue's office when he heard it: a cry so full of anguish it actually stopped him cold. 

"BLAINE!" 

He felt like someone just punched him in the gut. He almost fell to his knees until he remembered that if he's feeling this then Sam, for that voice could only have been Sam's, would be feeling it much worse and would need him. One of his kids needed him, that got him moving. 

Will ran until he saw him. Sam was being held down by three police officers in SWAT uniforms, screaming Blaine's name. The paramedics were working on Blaine. Sue was standing on the side, covered in blood, seemingly in shock and Becky Jackson being held by another police officer. But Will just focused on one thing. The one person he could help. 

Sam. 

Without heed he jumped into the fray. He knew if he didn't calm Sam down he could be hurt. The police will take him out. Not kill him of course but the police had the responsibility to make sure _everyone_ was safe. Well, Will's responsibility was to keep _Sam_ safe. He had to do something. 

Will grabbed Sam's face in his hands and looked him straight in the eyes. He was shocked at how wide his pupils were, the green was almost completely gone. Will didn't recognize him, almost like he was looking into the face of a stranger. He had to reach him. 

"Sam! SAM!" Will called out. "Look at me! Blaine is all right! Please Sam, listen to me," Will called out, hoping that God would forgive him for his lie. He _didn't_ know if Blaine was all right. But he needed Sam to focus, he needed him to calm down. Besides, the paramedics were still working on him. That meant that Blaine wasn't...that Blaine was still with them. 

Sam stilled and fortunately the police officers became aware of what was happening and one by one they let Sam go. 

"Blaine is okay?" Sam asked. Sanity slowly returning to his face. Will prayed that he wasn't lying when he answered. 

"He's not in good shape, Sam, but he'll be okay," he said in a steady but firm voice. He knew that Sam needed something to anchor him, ground him and that was the knowledge that Blaine was all right. "I know you want to be by his side but you can make things harder for the paramedics if you go there. We'll stay here, okay?" 

Will was terrified that Sam wouldn't listen and he braced himself in case Sam moved. He saw one of the police officers put his hand on a taser, quietly unsnapping it from its holster. Will was tempted to close his eyes and pray but was afraid that eye contact was the only thing keeping Sam calm; so instead he focused hard on Sam, looking into his eyes and willing him to understand. 

Then Sam nodded. Will let out a breath and he could see something shift in Sam's face, like a mask falling into place. Sam eyes locked on to where Blaine was and Will somehow knew that it would stay there. Suddenly everything started to catch up to Will. That Blaine was apparently shot, that Sam had just run out into danger when he learned that Blaine was out here. Sam could have easily been killed...Blaine could die any moment. Will began to shake but a throbbing pain on his arm and his leg cramping allowed him to keep in control. Sam was gripping him tightly but seemed unaware of it and Will was still holding him in place, afraid that Sam might still barrel headlong into the paramedics. He held on to Sam tightly even though his legs were cramping at his unusual position, not knowing if Sam might not just go ahead and do it. He did spare a glance at one of the SWAT officers though. 

"Thank you," he said sincerely. "For not hurting him, for understanding..." Will trailed off not knowing how to phrase how grateful he was that they showed restraint, considering that in cases like these the perpetrators tended to be other students so the officers would have been within reason to react more harshly to a violent teen. 

One of the cops knelt down beside Will and with a few moves helped Will get more comfortable as he held on to Sam. 

"It's okay," the police officer replied. "If it was my girlfriend who was...well," and the officer looked towards Blaine and then back at Will, "let's just say that I can understand how he feels." 

Will wanted to correct him. He wanted to tell him that Sam and Blaine weren't together but just shrugged it off. He smiled his thanks instead. It wasn't really that important to correct the officer's assumption. 

He slowly relaxed as he realized that Sam was completely still. Sam was still focused on Blaine but he was not fighting against Will's hold so Will allowed himself loosen it. He kept a light touch on Sam just in case and he seriously thought that Sam needed the human contact. Will didn't know how long they sat there when he felt Sam jerk in his grasp. They saw one of the paramedics arrive with a gurney. They quickly got Blaine on it and before Will could blink they were pushing him away. 

He got up just a few seconds behind Sam. He grabbed Sam's bicep and held him tight. He shouldn't have been but he was still surprised at Sam's strength. 

"Easy Sam," he said in his calm voice. Will felt like he was dealing with a wild animal instead of a teenaged boy. "Let me find out which hospital they're taking him and I'll drive you there, okay?" 

Sam paused and looked at him blankly. Will felt this weird sensation that Sam was reading his mind. Then it went away as Sam nodded. They both made their way outside. 

"Sam! Wait here!" Will said and sprinted towards the ambulance, not waiting to see if Sam followed his order. He shouted at the paramedic. "Which hospital? I'm his teacher! I have to let his parents know!" 

"Riverside!" the paramedic called back before closing the doors and the ambulance rushed away, lights blazing. Will absently noted that it had a police escort in front clearing the way as he walked towards Sam who stood waiting as ordered. 

"Sam, I'm going back inside to get my car keys, okay?" Will said, talking to Sam like this was working and he didn't want to veer away from something that worked. "I want you to come with me so I don't need to look for you later when we go to the hospital to see Blaine, okay?"

Will just really didn't want to lose sight of Sam. He still wasn't sure if Sam was completely all right. 

To Will's relief Sam simply nodded and the two of them walked back to the school. In the confusion they weren't noticed. Will grabbed his keys and while making his way to the parking lot with Sam, was able to check in on Emma and Shannon, updating both on what happened with Sam and, more importantly, Blaine.

Shannon assured him that she'd keep an eye on his kids until they get reunited with their parents. Emma told him that she'll join him as soon as she could but she had to help Figgins deal with the whole school first. She did agree with him that he should keep Sam close to him until Burt or Carole could come get him. 

Will and Sam made the drive to Riverside Hospital in silence. Will prayed that Blaine was going to be all right. He suspected that if anything worse happened to Blaine, he would be losing two kids, not one.


	3. Salvation

Blaine was in surgery. That's all they knew. They weren't family so they couldn't get any more information than that. He had been in surgery for two hours now.

Tina paced the floor of the waiting room. She didn't know how to feel. On one hand, she felt terrible that she wasn't with her friends when it happened but on the other hand, she's ridiculously glad she wasn't hurt. And that made her feel really guilty, because the person who was hurt was  _Blaine_.

Tina looked around. Jake was sitting on one of the chairs. Puck (here both for Blaine and because Jake's mom asked him to watch over Jake because she couldn't leave work) and Ryder were sitting on either side of him, both of them asleep, their heads on Jake's shoulders. Ryder, the anxiety and tension had caught up with him and he just passed out. Puck was nursing a hang-over but still, he was here. Tina was grateful.

Ryder's dad was at an airport somewhere in Kansas or Iowa trying to get back to Ohio. He had asked Ryder to stay with his friends until he could come and get him.

Marley was at home with her mom. She got such a terrible anxiety attack that they had to give her something to make her sleep. Mrs. Rose told them that they'll join them once she wakes up.

Artie was here with his mom. Artie somehow got wounded on his leg, maybe during the rush, and it had to be treated. He insisted on being admitted so that the glee kids could have a room to crash in or have a toilet to use. Mrs. Abrams didn't even blink and got it for him. Artie was supposed to be in his room of course but no one was going to be one to tell him to go. Plus, in his wheelchair here in the hospital, no one noticed Artie. For once, he was the one who blended in.

Unique and Kitty were with Brittany. From what Tina understood, when Sam rushed out to look for Blaine, Brittany had a meltdown and since then she hadn't let go of Unique. Even seeing Sam in the hospital didn't snap her out of it. She just kept saying, "That isn't my Sam...where is Sam?" And Kitty pulled her away and she and Unique took Brittany home. Unique was keeping Tina updated. The last text was that Brittany finally fell asleep. Unique's and Kitty's parents were there at the Pierce's house and they might pass by the hospital before going home.

Sugar had left a while ago to pick up some food for everyone with Finn and Tina's parents and her dad. Joe had to be told to stay home and get better before coming to the hospital. Tina smiled remembering how funny it was hearing Artie telling Joe not to come to the hospital because he was sick. Then Tina immediately felt guilty for smiling.

Tina had been fielding texts and calls from everyone. Literally everyone. From Kurt, Rachel and Santana in New York, Cooper and Mercedes in LA, Mike in Chicago, Quinn in New Haven, Carole and Burt in Washington, Sebastian and a whole bunch of Warblers in Westerville, not to mention quite a number of McKinley students: Cheerios, the superhero club, the band, the D&D club, and many more. She even got a text from Sunshine and it took Tina a minute to remember that Sunshine and Blaine never actually met but she answered her anyway. They were all sincerely worried for Blaine. Blaine who had been in McKinley for only over a year, and he already impacted so many people.

Tina wondered where some of them got her number but she dutifully reported what she knew. Which was nothing. Her fingers started getting tired replying—it never occurred to her not to—so she just started tweeting her updates instead. And in the last two hours, the number of messages and calls decreased while her followers passed the 100 and then the 200 mark and it was still rising.

She looked over at Mr. Schue. He apparently finally got through and was talking to Sam's parents. Coach Bieste came over a while ago but went back to the school, keeping an eye on the students who started to gather there. There was a vigil going on for Blaine.

No one knew what happened only that Blaine was shot. No one was arrested and no one knew who the shooter was. Rumors included a hit on Coach Sylvester and Blaine merely getting in the way, to Kurt acting all crazy and shooting Blaine, to a Cheerio who was in love with him but couldn't have him so shot him so that he couldn't be anyone else's, to Azimio or Rick the Stick or Karofsky coming back to finish the job. The last one was so possible, that someone could shoot Blaine for just being gay, that it gave Tina chills.

The only witnesses were Becky Jackson and Coach Sylvester and no one has seen them since the shooting.

Finally Tina turned to look at the last person who mattered to her in the waiting room: Sam. When he and Mr. Schue arrived earlier, he didn't move from where Mr. Schue left him. He just stood there, a bit out of the way, staring at the door where they took Blaine and didn't moved an inch for about half-an-hour until Mr. Schue literally forced him to sit down on a chair. The whole time Sam kept his eyes locked on the door.

He only responded to Mr. Schue and only if Mr. Schue was giving him updates about Blaine. He didn't want to call his parents, he didn't want to talk to Brittany and let her know he was okay, and he ignored Puck's, Artie's, Ryder's and Jake's attempts to get him to sit with them or talk. Tina didn't think she had anything to offer him—okay she was scared to approach him. Sam just sitting there quietly freaked her out. Sugar got him to talk when she asked what Blaine would like for dinner. That was the only time Sam actually volunteered information.

Then a woman walked in the waiting room and Tina wondered why she looked familiar but that was just for a moment. It was Coach Sylvester. Tina was surprised because she wasn't wearing a track suit. She was dressed simply in jeans, a button-down shirt and a light brown leather jacket. Her hair was slicked back like she just got out of the shower. Her face was devoid of any cosmetics. But it wasn't the clothes or the different look that threw Tina off. She didn't recognize her at first because she had walked  _hesitantly_  in the room, like she was unsure of herself.

Coach Sylvester walked up to Mr. Schue just as he was finishing his call.

"How is he, Will?" she asked, her voice without its usual tone of command.

"Sue, hi," Mr. Schue sounded exhausted. He didn't really look at her just pocketed his phone and closed his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Two hours in surgery, that's all we know."

Coach Sylvester nodded. "I'm following the updates, so nothing new then?"

"Updates?" Mr. Schue finally looked at Coach Sylvester in surprise. "What updates?"

The ghost of her old self flitted across Coach Sylvester's face as she replied, "One of your kids has been tweeting updates on Mr. Anderson's condition."

"Wait, what?" Mr. Schue's eyes narrowed in anger.

Tina wondered why Mr. Schue sounded angry and then she flushed in embarrassment and shame as she realized that what she was doing could be taken as violating Blaine's privacy.

"Easy, Will," Coach Sylvester said. "Those updates are keeping the masses calm. Otherwise there will be more of them here asking what is happening. As it is, Figgins and Emma managed to convince everyone that it was better to hold the vigil in the school because they would only get in the way here. Nothing in those updates are hurtful to Blaine, trust me, or you can be certain I would have done something about it."

Tina felt a spike of fear wondering what Coach Sylvester would have done to her but was followed by relief when she realized that Coach Sylvester said what she was doing was a good thing.

"You?" Mr. Schue said, he must really be tired Tina thinks if he's being that direct at Coach Sylvester. "Wait, what vigil?"

"He's a Cheerio, Will," Coach Sylvester said calmly. "That makes him one of my kids just as much as him being in glee makes him yours. And the whole school apparently feels the same way. They all started trickling in almost two hours ago when word leaked out on who it was that got shot. They were going to hold it here until Emma pointed out that they could get in the way of the hospital staff."

"What happened, Sue?" Mr. Schue looked intently at Coach Sylvester and if she wasn't watching so closely, Tina would have missed it but she saw it: Coach Sylvester slumped slightly. And when she answered, no one could mistake the exhaustion in her voice.

"I can't talk about it, Will."

"Bullshit!" Tina blinked in shock. Mr. Schue _never_ swore. "This is one of  _my_ kids Sue! You kno—" Mr. Schue's voice rose, still low enough not to cause a scene but everyone was watching now.

"I can't talk about it, Will," Coach Sylvester interrupted, and the old Sue Sylvester was back. It was enough to quiet Mr. Schue. And when she saw that, Old Sue left and this new Coach Sylvester was back. "I can't talk about it because the investigation is still on-going and I  _am_  a material witness."

Whatever Coach Sylvester was going to say was interrupted when Tina noticed a woman walked, no _strode_ into the hospital. She wasn't tall, barely a few inches over five feet but her very presence screamed command. She walked in like she owned the place and everyone quietly, and with no fuss, made way for her.

Tina suddenly felt a huge weight lift-off her shoulders as she ran towards her. The woman saw her and she opened her arms and received Tina's hug.

"Oh Mrs. Anderson!" Tina sobbed as fresh tears came but she suddenly felt relieved and safe. Blaine's mother was here and she knew things would now be taken cared of.

"It's okay Tina, it's okay," she patted her back. "Where are your parents?"

"They're out getting dinner for everyone," Tina hiccuped her response.

"It's all right," then Mrs. Anderson grabbed her shoulders and looked Tina in the eyes, her warm brown eyes meeting hers. "Thank you for keeping me informed. You did a good thing, okay?"

Tina found herself nodding. She had called Mrs. Anderson as soon as she got in the hospital. Mr. Schue was still talking to one of her assistants but Tina had a direct line. She had cancelled everything and was on the way to the airport before Tina could even tell her which hospital they were in.

Tina found herself tucked into Mrs. Anderson's side and the both of them walked towards Mr. Schue and Coach Sylvester. A few feet before they got there Mrs. Anderson gracefully stepped away from Tina, giving her hand one last squeeze before standing in front of the two teachers.

Then she did something that Tina had never seen before. She looked at Coach Sylvester and then  _dismissed_ her. Tina blinked. She saw it happen right in front of her eyes, Mrs. Anderson took one look at Coach Sylvester and then turned her full attention on Mr. Schue. It was just a quick turn of her head but in that one action, she had relegated Coach Sylvester as inconsequential.

"Mr. Schuester? Thank you for calling," she said. "My husband is taking the first available flight but won't be here until tomorrow morning. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to see to my son."

"Mrs. Anderson..." Coach Sylvester began but she was cut-off by a man in a suit that Tina didn't notice had accompanied Mrs. Anderson.

"Ms. Sylvester?" the man asked but continued on, not waiting to hear her answer. "It would not be a good idea for you to be speaking with my client. There are matters concerning identity theft and credit card fraud and now the  _minor_ whose identity you, allegedly, stole was found shot outside your office. I think it would be best if you don't come near the Anderson family until these matters are cleared up."

Tina blinked and a different kind of silence descended on the hospital room. Coach Sylvester looked down, nodded and backed away. She looked one last time at Mr. Schue before leaving.

The man in the suit nodded at Mrs. Anderson and he quietly left the waiting room, pulling out a cellphone and started dialing.

By the time Tina turned back Mrs. Anderson was already by the counter and the nurses, who were all very cold and even snooty when they were asking for an update on Blaine just a few minutes earlier, fell over backwards getting Mrs. Anderson anything she wanted.

Blaine had the same sort of charisma. It was easy to forget how small mother and son were because they were so much larger than life. She could picture Blaine exactly like this when he was older, right now he simply filled the room when he walked in or drew attention when he performed but soon he'll learn to do this: step in a room and instantly become the most important person there.

The future suddenly seemed darker without Blaine in it but Tina held out hope. Mrs. Anderson was one of the most capable women she knew. Nothing stood in her way, she got things done and didn't even seem to exert any effort to do it.

Case in point, in less time than she thought possible, a man in a suit came out and was quietly conferring with Mrs. Anderson who somehow was holding a mug of coffee and listening to what he was saying. Soon two doctors joined them as they seemed to be explaining something to Mrs. Anderson who just stood there quietly. Tina thought she was listening until she realized she was looking at Sam.

Tina had wandered back to the waiting room chairs and took one near Artie. Mr. Schue had spoken to Sam about his parents but Tina didn't hear the details. She was too busy watching Mrs. Anderson.

"Thank you Mr. Shepard," Mrs. Anderson interrupted them, "doctors. Please keep me posted." The three men said their thanks and shuffled away. The whole time she spoke to them she had her eyes on Sam. "Nancy," she spoke and this time turned to the nurse behind the counter. She put the mug down and smiled sincerely at the woman who an hour and a half ago Tina would have gladly beaten down for stonewalling them. "Thank you for the coffee," she said with a graceful smile and the woman smiled shyly back!

Mrs. Anderson walked towards Sam. She smiled slightly at Mr. Schue who suddenly stood up as she took his place. She sat down beside Sam and she slipped her hand into his and started talking to him quietly. Tina found herself standing by Mr. Schue and everyone was watching this play out, even Ryder and Puck were now wide-awake and watching Mrs. Anderson draw Sam out of his catatonia.

Tina couldn't believe how they missed it. Sam was in shock! But nobody noticed. Everyone was so focused on Blaine that they missed Sam; everyone but Mrs. Anderson. She knew she couldn't do anything for Blaine right now, but she knew how important Sam was to her son so the one thing she could do for him, she'd do.

Little by little, Tina could see the tension flow from Sam's body, starting from his shoulders, down his spine and through to his legs. It was like watching someone collapse in slow-motion. The next thing Tina saw was Sam being hugged by Mrs. Anderson as he leaned into her shoulder. From where she was sitting, she could see the tears flowing down Sam's face but he didn't make a sound, Tina suspected that Sam didn't even realize he was crying. Tina was watching Mrs. Anderson giving Sam comfort and she couldn't help but be moved by the picture they made. It shouldn't be possible, considering how small she was, but Mrs. Anderson was literally covering Sam in her embrace.

Another woman appeared, this time in a white uniform, looking like a nurse, with steel-gray hair, skin the color of coffee and thick glasses. She had a huge tote bag in one hand and walked in with her own sort of commanding presence: Yaya Estrella. This woman was Blaine's "yaya" or nanny, who practically raised him and served as Mrs. Anderson's right-hand.

She looked around and saw Mrs. Anderson holding Sam. She shook her head slowly and glanced around the room until she saw Tina. She quickly walked up to her and hugged Tina tight.

"Ay,  _Inday_  Tina, thank you  _gid_  for the tweets," she said in her heavily-accented English. "We were so worried! But you kept  _Inday_  Serena calm."

Tina let herself be hugged. It was strange, despite her quivering frame, her eyes bright with tears and gushing with thanks, she was still the one giving Tina comfort.

"I  _knew_  I should stay in the house this week, I just _knew_ it," Yaya Estring, as Blaine called her, said in a voice full of chagrin.

"There was nothing you could have done, yaya," Tina said.

"I could have been  _here_ ," Yaya Estring said in a tone of voice that even Cooper Anderson found impossible to argue with. "Is  _Toto_  Sam okay?" she asked, worried. Sam was Yaya Estring's favorite. He flirted with her outrageously, causing her to blush but she was the only one who could get him to eat, even the sweets that she would make that was so full of sugar one could get sugar shock just by looking at it.

"I don't know," Tina answered.

"It's okay," Yaya Estring assured her. " _Inday_  Serena will take care of it." With one last hug she left Tina and walked towards Sam and Mrs. Anderson. Without a word she took Mrs. Anderson's purse and headed to the nurse, Nancy. Tina could hear her telling Nancy that they were going to get a suite for her  _Nonoy_ Blaine and asking her where the admissions desk was. In her own way, Yaya Estrella was just as commanding as Mrs. Anderson, except in her case no one noticed that they were being bossed around.

For the first time Tina felt a twinge of hope. These women were the most important people in Blaine's life. And unlike everyone else, they have never let Blaine down. Tina couldn't say why but she knew things were going to be better now that Blaine's mom and his Yaya Estring were here to take care of it. They were going to make sure Blaine was going to get better.

They had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pukaroxliza is my beta, please check out her fics on FFN.
> 
> Also, I hope that my version of Mrs. Anderson goes over well and yes, I am totally mining Darren being half-Filipino and giving that to Blaine. And yes it has everything to do with me being Filipino :p


	4. Reflection

Sam watched Blaine on the bed. It was such a strange sight. What did his art teacher call it? A study in contrasts. Blaine's hair was for once free from the gel that kept it down and was a wild mass of curls on his head. His ridiculously long lashes spread out on his normaly olive but now pale cheeks. A bit of scruff was evident on his jaw already; he knew how Blaine complained about having to shave every day. His lips were full if pale and dry, making Sam itch for some chapstick. All these things showed that Blaine was thankfully alive and...organic. Yet he had tubes sticking out of his arm and hands. He was surrounded by machines. It was as if an elf was caught in a steel hand of a giant and slowly being crushed to death. 

Sam remembered yesterday when almost exactly half-an-hour after Mrs. Anderson arrived the doctor came out of surgery declaring Blaine would make it. He was told later that everyone in the waiting room cheered but he didn't remember that. All he remembered was as if a hand that held his heart in a fist let go and he could breathe again. 

Mrs. Anderson took him up to Blaine's suite and she made Sam sleep on the couch, which he gratefully did, finally giving in to the exhaustion brought about by the stress and trauma of the day. When Sam woke up, it was late. Blaine had been moved to the other room and he could hear Mr. and Mrs. Anderson talking. Apparently Mr. Anderson found an earlier flight and made it home. 

Sam didn't mean to eavesdrop but they were talking about Blaine. They said something about how “lucky” Blaine was that the bullet hit his liver. It caught the bullet and held it, keeping it from doing more damage. And the liver is really tough and could heal back right as rain. Blaine would be out by the end of the week and could even be back to school as early as Monday if no complications occurred. All he would have is an interesting scar on his abdomen.

"Another scar, Serena," Mr. Anderson had whispered to his wife, tears in his eyes. "He's not even eighteen yet and he already has so many scars. How did I fail him so?"

Seeing Mr. Anderson standing over Blaine and brushing back his hair, with the gentlest and saddest expression on his face, shocked Sam. Sam had always thought that Mr. Anderson was a distant and uncaring father but he suddenly saw that night how untrue that assumption was. 

Sam suddenly saw how much older Blaine's dad was in comparison to Burt or his own dad. He was such a vibrant and strong man that he didn’t see that he looked almost old enough to be Sam's—and Blaine’s—grandfather. He wasn't just trying to come to grips with having a gay son, he was also trying to come to grips with relating to someone young enough to be his grandson. 

Sam thought that no wonder Blaine dressed the way he did, with bowties and fedoras, and listened to and sang old standards. Why he had "old world" manners and an almost studied way of talking. He was emulating his father, who came from a generation where men did not show affection and raised sons to be strong and tough, and traits like "sensitive" and "affectionate" were not only unmanly but discouraged in boys. 

Armed with this insight, Sam could now see Blaine's father's actions in a new light. Mr. Anderson has always tried to connect with Blaine, and had kept on trying. He transferred Blaine to Dalton to protect him, paid for all his music and voice and dance classes, he even let him transfer to McKinley because Blaine couldn't be away from Kurt. Those aren't the actions of a man who hated or disapproved of his son. 

But when Mr. Anderson had brought up about making Blaine transfer again to a different school for his safety, Sam had almost burst in on them. Sam didn’t know what he was going to do but he had seriously considered throwing his body on top of Blaine to keep them from moving him. But Mrs. Anderson vetoed that idea immediately, pointing out that Blaine only had a few more months before graduation and would never forgive his father for making this decision without at least consulting him. 

Mr. Anderson had just nodded and Sam figured that he was just voicing a thought and wasn’t really considering it. The relief that had coursed through his body shocked him to stillness, leaving him in position to eavesdrop while he wrestled with his feelings. 

"He would love it if you were here when he woke up," Mrs. Anderson said. 

"I can do no good here," Mr. Anderson replied, still stroking Blaine's hair. "But out there, I can do something. I can make sure this won't happen again, to Blaine or anyone else's child. I can make some calls, push some money around, we can use this to lobby for stricter gun control and maybe finally get that funding for the after-school youth programs Charlie drew up..." 

"What happened to the dyed-in-the-wool conservative Republican I married twenty years ago?" Mrs. Anderson said smiling at her husband. 

"You gave him the most beautiful son who opened up his little world," he replied without a trace of irony or self-consciousness. He leaned down and kissed Blaine's forehead. 

"Do you know that Blaine thinks that you disapprove of him? That you are disappointed in him?" 

Mr. Anderson looked up with shock in his face. "Why on earth would he think that?" 

Mrs. Anderson stepped closer to her husband and he automatically put his arms around her, his arms encircling her and Sam saw how well they fit together. 

"Dean, you’re always away," Mrs. Anderson answered him but her voice held no judgment, just stating a fact. Mr. Anderson opened his mouth but a finger to his lips silenced him. "You know and I know that everything you do is for him. Why you work so hard, it's not just to provide him with a future, but you are out there making sure the world is safe for him. But Dean, all Blaine sees is his father leaving." 

"Cooper understood..." 

"Cooper is Cooper," Mrs. Anderson shrugged a reply. "Do you know what he told me last Christmas? He said, 'I know that Blaine is dad's favorite, _everyone_ knows it. Except Blaine.'" 

"Am I really that transparent?" 

"Does it matter?" Mrs. Anderson said and Sam could hear the smile in her voice. "Since the only person who needs to see it is as oblivious as you are. He doesn't take after you all that much, but in that he is your son." 

"Thank God," Mr. Anderson smiled as he looked down on his wife, "that he had the good sense to inherit mostly everything from you. Maybe that's why he's my favorite...because he reminds me so much of you." 

"Flatterer." 

Sam had turned away by then. Mr. Anderson stayed until Blaine woke up. He told Blaine that he loved him and that he was sorry for being away all the time. Blaine had hugged him until the drugs made him sleep again. Mr. Anderson stayed while Mrs. Anderson took Sam to the Hudson-Hummel house. He only stayed long enough to shower and change and he went back to the hospital. School was out for the time being and Sam didn’t want to be anywhere else. 

Mrs. Anderson had laid strict rules about who could visit Blaine. She pretty much forbade everyone but family and Sam entry to Blaine’s room. Sam didn’t know how she did it without making anyone feel resentful but she did. Tina was able to come in once and then, after seeing with her own eyes that Blaine was recovering, allowed her parents to claim her time. Mrs. Anderson said that everyone else could come and visit after Blaine woke up. Although even she couldn't keep Cooper from flying back to Ohio. She told him to come when Blaine was awake but Cooper just flew in later that day anyway. 

When Burt and Carole were debating whether to come back to Lima, Mrs. Anderson offered to watch over Sam so that they could stay in Washington. She even talked to his parents into letting him stay in Lima. They wanted him to come back to Kentucky until McKinley reopened but she pointed out that Sam would be alone the whole day while the kids were at school and they were at work. At least in Lima he would be surrounded by friends. Sam assured them that he would prefer to stay in Lima, so they agreed but they did get him to promise to visit the following weekend, with Mrs. Anderson gladly footing the bill.

Sam was relieved and grateful to Mrs. Anderson for allowing him to stay and basically letting him room in Blaine's hospital suite. He knew he should feel bad about not wanting to be with his family and deep inside, some part of him did miss them but he didn’t want to be around anyone else right now. He wanted to be alone and he wanted to be where he could keep Blaine in his sight. And in Blaine’s room he had the excuse of not having to see anyone and to turn off his phone without anyone questioning it. Brittany wanted her boyfried. Sam guessed that she wanted to talk about what happened or even maybe just needed him to comfort her but Sam couldn't face her. Not yet. Not until he dealt with this Blaine-shaped ache in his heart. He knew he was being unfair, even cruel, to Brittany but he _had_ to be near Blaine. He had to make sure he woke up and he wouldn’t leave him again. 

He almost lost Blaine and the thought shattered him. It shattered him to a thousand pieces. He had never thought of a possibility that Blaine wouldn't be a part of his life. Even when he thought about the future, when he was married and had kids he always imagined that Blaine would simply be _there_. It's funny, he couldn't picture who his wife was going to be (somebody blondish usually) but Blaine being in his life was something he could see clear as day. 

When did he get so tied up with Blaine? How did he sink so deep into him that it nearly tore him in half when he thought Blaine di—was taken from him forever...who was he kidding, he _was_ torn in half. The only thing that put him back together was when it was made clear to him that Blaine wasn’t going to leave him for good. 

He should be shocked that he felt this strongly over a _boy_ but if he was going to be honest with himself, it was the fact that he could feel this strongly over _anyone_ was shocking enough. He couldn’t let himself be this dependent on someone. It was unhealthy, wasn't it? It couldn’t be good for him, nor could it be good for Blaine. 

He had to put some distance between them. He needed to breathe. He needed space. He needed space to think, to understand what this was between them because Blaine was leaving after graduation regardless of whatever happened. Blaine was bound for New York or some Ivy League school. Sam would be lucky to get into a half-way decent art college. So he needed to get a handle on this because Blaine would be gone and he would have to deal with it. And if what happened yesterday was anything to go by, he would not handle Blaine’s absence well. Not well at all.

He would have to think and figure it out. But until then, he would stay here and hold Blaine's hand. He'd think about the future tomorrow. Today he's just going to be grateful that Blaine was alive to worry about. 

Sam gently held Blaine's hand and refused to think what it meant when his heart skipped when Blaine reflexively gripped tighter. Blaine mumbled something. The nurse had told him when she checked in a while ago that Blaine was just sleeping now. Sam gently carded his hand through Blaine's hair and marvelled at the softness. 

He couldn't help but smile softly when even in sleep Blaine seemed to know when his hair was ungelled because his brow furrowed and his mouth pulled down into a frown. Sam reluctantly pulled his hand away and Blaine's features immediately evened out, so Sam used both his hands to hold on to Blaine's free one. 

He'd think about what's best for them…tomorrow. Today was about Blaine, Blaine needing him here so he would stay here. He’d worry later about when Blaine didn't need him anymore. Although how _Sam_ would do without Blaine…tomorrow, it would wait until tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't the original chapter. It was supposed to be an interlude to show time passing and a summary of the aftermath of the shooting. But this scene needed to be included so here it is. 
> 
> Hopefully Mr. Anderson goes over just as well as Mrs. Anderson. I doubt it will ever come up but just so it's clear, Cooper is Dean Anderson's son from a previous marriage (which explains both the age gap between Cooper and Blaine and why Dean is so much older).
> 
> And I named Mr. Anderson "Dean" since "Cooper" is obviously a play on Anderson Cooper so I chose "Dean" because of Richard Dean Anderson.


	5. Lull

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original fic was supposed to end at this chapter but Sam took over the last chapter and then it went into a whole other direction. The ending is still the same, it's just the story took control of the car and we're arriving there by a different route.
> 
> What this meant was that I basically ended up rewriting this chapter from scratch, which has gone on for much longer than I intended so I split the chapter into two. So yes, that means I'm adding another chapter to this fic (for those of you who care, I have it set around 8 chapters now).

It was Monday and Blaine was eating his lunch in the auditorium balcony. He came back to school early last week and he was overwhelmed by the response of, well, everybody. He was actually cheered by the other students when he walked in the school, holding up signs like "Oh Captain, My Captain!" from the Cheerios, "Long Live the Prez!" and "Nightbird Returns". He was sincerely touched, remembering that most of these people went to and kept up the vigil until it was announced that he was out of danger. Everywhere he went in McKinley he was greeted by name and with smiles, he got high-fived and fist-bumped by pretty much every guy and hugged and even cried on by every girl.

However by lunch time it had gotten old, especially the crying part. Fortunately he still carried a spare shirt. The irony wasn't lost on him that while he had never needed the spare because he was never slushied in school by people who hated him, he needed it now because of the tears and, well, snot, of people who liked him. As the days passed, even more people started getting into his personal space—probably because they saw how friendly he was with the people who were more forward earlier—and some students who he didn’t even know before the shooting suddenly behaved like they were best friends. It was really getting to Blaine but at the same time, how could he reject them when they were just looking for reassurance? He felt obligated to at least not snub them.

By Monday, things started to calm down but not as much as Blaine would have liked but at least people stopped crying on his shoulder when they saw him. Tina teased him, told him to just think of it as practice for when he leaves for New York and inevitably becomes a big star. Blaine didn't think it was very funny but he was grateful for the quip because it allowed him to put it into perspective. These people were reacting to "Blaine, the Cheerio Captain and Student Council President Who Got Shot", not Blaine Anderson, the person. So he smiled back and returned their high fives and their greetings with a lot more graciousness than before.

For his sanity, however, he also ran off to the auditorium balcony for lunch—which wasn't hard as Yaya Estring had started cooking up a storm as she normally did when she's upset so Blaine had decided to brown bag it to school for the foreseeable future—and alternated between the library, the astronomy room, the choir room (when glee wasn't in session) and the costume shop during his free periods just so he could breathe.

He didn’t tell anyone about his hideouts. Not that he didn’t want to be around Tina or Sam or any of his friends but if people noticed that he was missing, but see Tina or Sam around they’ll just assume he joined another group. But if Tina, Blaine and Sam were all missing, they would know that Blaine was hiding out and he didn’t want to make people think that they weren’t good enough for him. He understood enough about fame and how it skewed people’s perspective, and right now he needed the solitude. When it got to him later—and it will—he’ll deal with that then.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

Blaine was caught off-guard at the familiar voice and he turned around with a note of disbelief in his voice when he blurted out, “Kurt?”

He was half-way out of his seat as he turned to see and sure enough, there was Kurt, standing on the aisle a few rows behind Blaine. Kurt looked the same but there was something different about him now. Kurt had always looked sophisticated but whereas before that sophistication was deliberate and studied—half the time Kurt used to dress up knowing it was going to provoke people; daring them, challenging them even, to tell him how he should be dressed—now Kurt affected a much more spontaneous grace: he dressed the way he was because it was what he liked.  Kurt had always striven to be mature and chic but now, Kurt merely _was_.

“May I join you?”

Despite his poise, Blaine could see that Kurt was really unsure if he was truly welcome. Blaine offered him a smile and indicated the seat next to him. Blaine would like to think that no matter whatever happened between them, that he and Kurt could at least be friends.

When Kurt sat beside him Blaine freely offered Kurt some of his pork adobo with guava jelly and rice knowing full well that Kurt would turn it down with a barely-repressed shudder. Blaine happily returned to eating his lunch. This was his comfort food and he would have been seriously put-out if Kurt had decided to share it with him. Unlike Sam and Tina, Kurt never really took to the Filipino dishes Yaya Estring cooked for him.

“Hiding from your adoring public?” Kurt asked with a completely straight face. Blaine loved Tina but the girl couldn't hold back gossip even if Ryan Gosling's life depended on it.

Blaine rolled his eyes as he answered, “Obviously not well enough considering you found me.” Blaine wondered which one of his friends pointed Kurt in the right direction, although Kurt knew him well enough that he wouldn’t have needed anyone's help if he really wanted to find him.

“So I’m one of your adoring public now?” Kurt asked with that arch tone that Blaine knew meant that he was playing their "Violet Crawley vs Constance Trentham" game. He glanced sideways at Kurt and sure enough Kurt had straightened his back, had put both hands primly on his knees, crossed his ankles, pursed his lips and raised one eyebrow. Blaine couldn’t help but smile, he missed this.

“Of course,” Blaine said without missing a beat, “didn’t you get the memo? I’m adorable.”

Kurt’s eyes got wide and then he burst out laughing. “I can’t believe you said that!” Kurt exclaimed, giggling and Blaine couldn’t help but laugh along with him, tension he didn’t even know he had dissipating in his laugh. “That was so off-script! Who has been corrupting you? Have you been hanging out with Puck?”

“Cooper,” Blaine said with a grin. “He decided that LA was sucking out his soul and moved back home and now he’s planning to go back to school. He may take up photography or—and heaven help us if he’s serious—teach.”

“Please tell me you’re joking,” Kurt demanded.

“Nope, he came home while I was in the hospital and hasn’t left. He and Dad spoke for hours in Dad’s study and the next day Cooper made his announcement.”

"Your father was home?" Kurt asked. Kurt knew about the difficulty Blaine had with his father yet when he asked, it was without judgment or assumptions, Kurt was awesome like that. Blaine smiled, this time with pure joy.

"Yes, he is," Blaine answered and he saw that Kurt caught Blaine answering in the present tense and he could see him putting everything together: Cooper being home, Cooper and Dad obviously had a heart-to-heart, Blaine's smile, his dad being home; and Kurt smiled, obviously happy for Blaine. Kurt was one of the few people who could keep up with Blaine and knew him and his history that he didn't have to explain anything. Kurt just got it.

"Is your father okay?" Blaine asked. He knew it wasn't easy for Kurt to come to Lima so for him to be here meant something. "I thought he and Mrs. Hummel were still in DC?"

"He is," Kurt answered easily so Blaine knew that Burt was okay. He was relieved, Burt Hummel was a good man and Blaine was devastated when he learned about the cancer.

"Carole is back, though," Kurt continued. "She's making some changes in the house. Now that Finn is in college, Sam is moving back in his room and they are converting my room into an office for Dad."

"Are you okay with that?" Blaine asked delicately. He knew that when Hudsons and the Hummels came together it wasn't the smoothest transition.

"Totally fine," Kurt said with a smile. "Dad needs an office at home. He's really taking his job as congressman seriously, especially after your father gave him contacts and worked out how he could get some funding for his projects. And it's not just my room; after Sam graduates, Finn's and his room becomes a guest room for whichever one of us is in town." Kurt shrugged. "I'll be in New York, it's not like I'm coming back here after I graduate and Dad is finally getting to do some amazing work."

"Yes he is," Blaine agreed. "Dad was saying how your father has a way with people and could make the most difficult ideas easy to understand and hit you in the gut. Part of the reason Dad was so unsuccessful in DC was because he tended to talk over most people."

Blaine still couldn't get around the idea that the reason his father was away so often was because he was literally doing things to make life easier for Blaine.

"I need to get your father a gift basket or something, Dad was getting frustrated, he wasn't getting anywhere, no one wanted to listen to a garage mechanic from Ohio. It wasn't helping his blood pressure," Kurt said a little grimly but his smile was genuine when he continued, "then your father sweeps in and opens doors for him."

"Why are we surprised?" Blaine asked. "We both know that when a Hummel and an Anderson work together, nothing can stop them." Blaine's eyes widened when he realized what he said. He was afraid that Kurt could take what he said the wrong way. He hoped Kurt didn't think he was flirting or anything. He really wanted to respect their new boundaries and that Kurt was with Adam.

"Exactly!" Kurt said without batting an eyelash, completely at ease and Blaine let out a quiet breath in relief. "Carole asked me to come down so that I could choose which things I'm bringing back with me to New York, which goes to Goodwill, which goes to storage and which gets thrown out. It so happened I had some free time coming up and Carole offered to pay for my ticket so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone. See, there's this friend of mine who got shot and I was worried and I wanted to see if he was okay."

Blaine was packing his empty lunch box away when he heard Kurt's voice waver at the end. He turned to see Kurt looking at him with tears in his eyes. "Oh Kurt," he said and he got up and opened his arms and immediately he could feel Kurt hugging him hard. "I'm fine. I really am," he assured his friend. He couldn't help but notice that he's getting to be rather good at comforting people crying on his shoulder, but at least Kurt cried neatly. But even if he didn't, this was Kurt; Blaine would sacrifice hundreds of shirts without blinking an eye.

After one last squeeze Kurt pulled away. He pulled out a handkerchief and delicately tried to fix his face. "Yes, you certainly look it," Kurt agreed and a smile broke through. "Trust you to be the one to get shot and come out of it worried about everyone else but I bet if it was anyone else you'd be a total wreck."

"Too true," Blaine agreed. For a minute he wondered if it was Tina who got shot? Or Sa—no, he will _not_ go there. Blaine pulled himself together and trying to find something to distract them, he reached down to the hem of his shirt and made a motion as if to lift it up.

"It left an awesome scar, though, wanna see?"

"Jeez—Blaine!" Kurt squawked indignantly and Blaine couldn't help but grin. "How long is Cooper staying with you again? Because if this is more of his influence, he needs to leave, like right away!"

"He's leaving next week to go back to LA but it's to close up his apartment," Blaine answered settling back in his seat, relieved they were back on safer ground. A discreet time check showed he still had plenty of time before his next class. "He's at least serious about the photography thing and reconnected with an old friend from his modeling days who now lives in Cleveland. They're meeting up after he gets back."

Blaine grinned thinking about his brother. "He and Yaya Estring are getting into epic fights. He keeps insisting that sugar is not essential to his diet and that fat is not a staple in every dish."

"He's right," Kurt sniffed, Blaine remembered that Kurt and Yaya didn't exactly meet eye-to-eye when it came to food, either. Blaine figured it was probably the main reason why she never fully-approved of Kurt. Also Kurt took her way too seriously when she said he should eat more and he should "fatten up."

"It's the funniest thing hearing Cooper trying to argue with Yaya—in Ilonggo—that she can make mechado without the fat!"

"Cooper speaks Ilonggo?"

"Better than me actually," Blaine said, "but his accent's terrible. Cooper has an ear for languages, I guess." Blaine turned thoughtful. "You know, I remember he learned enough French in two weeks just he could ask out an exchange student from New Caledonia when he was in high school. Maybe I should tell him to look into this, too."

"Your yaya is a tyrant in the kitchen," Kurt still smarted from the time he had attempted to offer some friendly advice to Yaya Estrella about a heart-healthy diet. Remembering the expression on her face still had the power to make his ears burn.

"Unless you're Sam Evans," Blaine smirked.

"What do you mean?"

"Sam has Yaya wrapped around his little finger," Blaine said. "When I come home from school she's always asking about him and if he's coming over for dinner. When he does stay for dinner, the menu is always full of stuff she knows _Sam_ likes. She's convinced that Mrs. Hummel is starving him."

Kurt snorted at that because Carole after all raised Finn, aka the Bottomless Pit.

"Somehow I am never eating enough with the amount of food she tries to pile on my plate but Sam has managed to convince her when he's full," Blaine shook his head. Then Blaine grinned, "That reminds me, I can't wait to tell Cooper how Sam convinced Yaya to serve him just brown rice and steamed fish. He's going to freak."

"How did Sam get her to do that?" Kurt asked shocked. He didn't think Yaya Estring knew recipes that didn't clog up your arteries. She once whipped up a concoction that had so much sugar in it that if the FDA knew about it, it would be banned and Yaya Estrella deported for the health of Americans everywhere.

"The Evans Charm of course," Blaine said matter-of-factly. "Although the reverse is also true, you know that Sam only ever eats dessert in my house? He can't turn her down either so the balance of the universe is maintained."

"So what else has been happening around here?" Kurt asked, settling in his chair.

"You mean Tina hasn't filled you in by now?" Blaine asked without any heat. He smiled to show that he didn't mean anything by it.

"Of course she has," Kurt replied rolling her eyes, "but you obviously don't want to talk about what's really bothering you so I'm letting you fill the air with small talk until you screw up your nerve to talk to me about it, or not. It's okay, either way, really."

Blaine looked down. He should have known better to hide things from Kurt.

"Hey," Kurt said, "don't do that. I'm just grateful you're alive to waffle over things you know you're going to tell me anyway."

Blaine looked up with a grin. "I waffle, do I?"

"'Oh Kurt! This cardigan is _crimson_ and goes well with the belt but this _vermillion_ sweater vest just pops!'" Kurt said in a high-falsetto, and with Kurt, that can be really high.

"Shut up!" Blaine said laughing. "I don't sound like that! And _you're_ the one who's anal about calling something red six different names! And I distinctly remember that conversation, and as I recall, the one who was spazzing was _you_."

"It's not my fault that I can tell the minute differences in color," Kurt said haughtily.

"It's your mutant power," Blaine agreed.

"You're the only person I know who can call me a mutant and I know it's not an insult," Kurt said shaking his head.

"And Sam," Blaine pointed out.

"Yes," Kurt agreed nodding his head, "and Sam."

They descended into a companionable silence. Blaine missed this. More than just Kurt checking up on him, he was happy that Kurt came because now he knew he and Kurt could be friends again.

"I'm sorry."

Blaine blinked. He was sure he was hearing things because why would Kurt apologize? He turned to look at his friend and he was shocked to see how sad Kurt looked.

"Kurt? What's wrong?" Blaine asked, worried. "What are you sorry for?"

"I neglected you," Kurt said. And Blaine realized that Kurt was talking about the time before they broke up.

"Kurt, you—" Blaine began to reassure him but Kurt interrupted him.

"Please, just let me say this, okay?" Kurt asked and so of course Blaine acquiesced immediately. He settled in his seat and was content to let Kurt have his say.

"I know what you are going to say, that whatever it was I did or didn't do, it doesn't excuse you cheating on me," Kurt said. And Blaine realized how far they've come that Kurt could say that without any euphemism to soften the blow but not mean it to hurt, and that Blaine could hear it without wanting to curl up and die of shame. "I agree with you but," and Kurt took a deep breath, " _but_ , it doesn't change the fact that I was a terrible boyfriend to you. You did an incredibly generous thing and gave me the push I needed to go to New York and I pay that back by running forward, never looking back and not letting you keep up with me."

"I was unfair and self-absorbed and incredibly, incredibly _gauche_ that looking back I'm surprised you didn't dump me and I wouldn't have blamed you if you did," Kurt said with a half smile. "It doesn't excuse what you did, but I realize that I'm not entirely blameless in this. And even if you might have hurt me more in the end, I did hurt you first. For that alone, I am sorry."

It was as if a huge weight that he didn't even realize was holding him down had suddenly been removed and Blaine was free. Tears pricked his eyes and before he knew it he and Kurt had stood up and were hugging again.

"Thank you," Blaine said through the tears. "I don't know what to—thank you, Kurt. And of course I forgive you. If you need me to say it, if you need to hear it, of course I forgive you. But you should know that I don't blame you for what happened, right?"

"I know," Kurt said, once again wiping his eyes. "But knowing that I could have lost you, that I almost did…it made me think about what I did and who I was, and I knew that I all but pushed you into that guy's arms."

Blaine bit his tongue. He wanted to argue with Kurt, that he wasn't to blame but he knew enough that Kurt wanted to say this so he let him say it. And to be honest, it felt good to hear it.

"Oh I'm a wreck!" Kurt said. "If I look half as bad as you I'll have to put a paper bag over my face before heading out there! Don't you have class? Last I heard this was still a high school."

Blaine just grinned and pulled out his own handkerchief. "This is McKinley, and didn't you hear? I'm adorable. One good thing about being shot is that the teachers give me a lot of leeway and I think I can ride it out until graduation, too."

"Cooper is a terrible influence on you," Kurt intoned gravely as he watched Blaine pick up his old-school tin Superman lunch box and his bag. "If this is what you're like with him being around for a few weeks, I'm suddenly glad that he's ten years older and was away by the time you were in your tweens."

"You're glad he's ten years older because you happen to think older men are hot," Blaine said with a grin and was rewarded when Kurt blushed and his mouth opened then closed and opened again.

"How old is Adam again, thirty? Thirty-two?" Blaine asked, enjoying the chance to tease Kurt as they walked out of the auditorium.

"He is _twenty-two_ as you well know!" Kurt snapped back but Blaine could see the twinkle in his eyes.

"Practically decrepit," Blaine shot back. "Tell me, can he still change himself or do you have to unsnap his Depends for him?"

"You are terrible!" Kurt exclaimed before doubling over laughing. Blaine joined him. If they were both laughing a little too hard—the joke wasn't _that_ funny—they both ignored it. They both knew that they had to release all that tension somehow and this was better, safer, than other alternatives. What happened that night during Mr. Schue's not-wedding, it wasn't exactly a mistake but knowing what he knows now, Blaine decided that it was too soon, and that it wasn't the right thing to do. They needed to have done this first. But now, now they can move forward.

"I'll let you take potshots about my boyfriend this once because you almost died," Kurt said after they got a hold of themselves. "But that grace period is not indefinite. Are we clear Mr. Anderson?"

"As crystal, Mr. Hummel," Blaine said in his best German-accent.

"You know we aren't done, right?" Kurt said in a far more serious tone, although the lightness was still there in his eyes.

"I know Kurt," Blaine replied in kind. "Come to the house later? I'll tell Yaya you're coming for dinner." Blaine couldn't help hold back the mischievous grin from appearing on his face. "Cooper will be there."

"Fine," Kurt said with deliberate non-chalance, "you twisted my arm. Dinner it is."

"Come earlier, there's no glee today so I'll go straight home. We can talk longer," Blaine offered, secure now in the knowledge that his friendship with Kurt was not only intact but perhaps stronger than before.

"I'll do that. I'll see you later Blaine," Kurt said and with a quick peck on his cheek, Kurt waved goodbye and walked into the direction of the parking lot.

Blaine smiled at Kurt's retreating back. The quick kiss didn't fail to set his heart racing but it was different, more like an automatic response. He and Kurt _could_ get back together, just not now. They were walking down different roads but at least now he knew that if those roads crossed again in the future, they would be stronger for it. And if they didn't, this more than anything proved that at least they will be in each other's lives and it will be a good thing.

So with a heart lighter than it had been for months and spring in his step that hasn't been seen in nearly a year, Blaine turned around and went to class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me forever to write this chapter. I couldn't find the right "voice" for it, it was meant to be an interlude, to show what happened in McKinley after the shooting but the original draft was too exposition-y. I tried Tina, even Marley and back again to third-person omniscient until I finally found the right POV in Blaine. But again there was still something missing.
> 
> That's when Kurt cleared his throat and rolled his eyes and said, "Hello? Remember me? Ex-boyfriend? Best friend?" and the chapter pretty much wrote itself.


	6. Epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long delay. Life, what can I tell you?
> 
> This is much shorter than I had originally planned this chapter to be. In fact I am not that happy about this but I decided to post it anyway and move forward rather than trying to make it better and just stay stuck.
> 
> Thank you for those of you who have stuck around, I really appreciate it.

Sam saw Blaine and Kurt part company outside the auditorium and the now-familiar ache in his heart intensified. When Kurt showed up earlier today and asked for Blaine, Sam foolishly told him where he was. Sam knew that Blaine had wanted some peace and quiet after being overwhelmed by the attention and he quietly kept an eye on him, keeping his promise to himself not to let Blaine out of his sight. But when he saw Blaine and Kurt hug in greeting he walked out of the auditorium.

It didn't take him all that long to figure out that he had somehow fallen in love with Blaine. In fact, Sam wondered why it didn't happen sooner. Blaine was the only one who saw him more than just his body, which is funny because aren't gays supposed to be all shallow and into hot bods? He knows that isn't true though because the three gay people he knows best—Blaine, Kurt and Santana—aren't about that. Blaine's the one who noticed him stealing pasta and then supported his art. Blaine always considers his ideas seriously, even the ones Sam knows aren't all that great. Blaine was the only one who noticed how badly he felt about his SAT scores and then doing something about it. He even helped him choose which colleges to apply to and researched additional scholarships that he could get. No one else stepped up, not even Brittany, his girlfriend.

His girlfriend who he has been avoiding even more than Blaine. It helped that she went off to MIT last week but he knows he's going to have to talk to her when she gets back.

He absently noted that Kurt was heading towards the parking lot, instead he kept his eyes on Blaine who was headed towards his next class. Sam had his schedule memorized even before the shooting because it helped to know someone who carried chapstick on him when Sam would inevitably misplace his and he was too far from his locker to get a replacement. Now he used it to make sure that Blaine was safe. Last week he had to hold himself back when the other students were walking up to Blaine. He had to remind himself that they weren't enemies or that they weren't going to hurt Blaine. He almost jumped Bobby Surette when he saw the jock approach Blaine from behind but Artie was in the way. A good thing too because Surette swung Blaine around and hugged him, saying how sorry he was and that he was glad he was okay.

That's when Sam knew he had a serious problem. 

He spoke to Ms. Pillsbury about it and she told him that it was a kind of PMS or something. Soldiers usually have it but anyone who went through trauma could get it. She arranged for him to meet up with a colleague of hers who worked at the Lima Community Center. Plus, he did it for free but only during certain hours. Thankfully Ms. Pillsbury made arrangements for him so he could go there without having to skip class or any of his extra-curriculars. Talking with Levi has really helped. They have only met twice but he gave Sam some needed perspective.

He knew he had to talk to Blaine soon. He could see the pain in Blaine's eyes when Sam would run off after glee or after student council. He had the excuse that he didn't know what was going on with him but that excuse kinda died a while ago. Now he's just being scared.

But if the last few weeks taught him anything, it's that there are no guarantees. Anyone could be taken at any time by anything so he's gotta make the most of the time he has. When Brittany gets back, he owes it to her af—no. No more excuses. He'll talk to Blaine. Today.

oOo

"So are you going to spill or do I have to worm it out of you?"

Blaine sighs as he plays with the tassels of the cushion he's got cradled on his lap. They are in the den, a tray with two cups of coffee and some pastries on the coffee table. Blaine was sitting at the end of the couch while Kurt took his customary seat on the deep purple wing-back, a chair that Kurt fell in love the first time he saw it two years ago and would sit in it every chance he got.

"It's Sam."

Kurt's eyebrows flew up in surprise. "Sam?" Blaine nodded. "Why are you bothered by Sam? I thought you'd be upset about, I don't know, being shot? That the gunman might still be around—"

"It was Becky," Blaine interrupted Kurt.

"Becky? Becky Jackson?" Kurt asked confused then his eyes widened when he made the connection. "Wait, you mean  _Becky Jackson_  shot you?!"

Blaine frowned at Kurt. "It was an accident, Kurt, she didn't mean to."

"But—"

"Kurt," Blaine said firmly, "please keep it to yourself? No one knows the full details except my family, the Jacksons, Principal Figgins, Ms. Pillsbury and Coach Sylvester. Becky freaked out and brought a gun to school. Coach Sylvester tried to get it from her when Becky dropped it. I was just unlucky enough to be in the way of the bullet."

" _Unlucky?!_ " Kurt exclaimed, his voice rising.

"Kurt, please," Blaine begged. "This is Becky were talking about. She didn't mean to hurt anyone and she thought the gun would make her feel safe. I think that's a sentiment  _you_ of all people should appreciate."

"I never brought a gun to school," Kurt defended himself.

"And the proper person was punished for it, trust me," Blaine assured his friend. "Mr. Jackson was fined and his license was revoked. He's also doing a lot of hours of community service, including taking and giving lectures on gun safety. We agreed to keep it quiet because we didn't want Becky to get any flak over it and my father wrung some concessions from the school over it, getting them to institute some after-school programs he had drawn up with his team. Ms. Pillsbury is helping Becky adjust and coordinated a lot of therapies for the students who needed it. She's amazing."

"I'm seeing a therapist, too," Blaine added, "and I haven't had a flashback in a while although I do freeze sometimes when I see a closed door that I have to enter."

"Is that why all the doors in the house are open?" Kurt asked, he was wondering about that.

"Yes," Blaine answered, blushing in embarrassment. "Cooper's doing. One time, one time! I was walking back to my room after dinner and I froze in front of my bedroom door. I couldn't bring myself to open it. Cooper was behind me and opened the door for me. The next morning, all the doors of the house were wide open."

"That was very sweet of him," Kurt said with a smile.

Blaine shrugged but he couldn't help but smile, too. It  _was_ sweet of Cooper. However he didn't have any more flashbacks and he didn't have that problem all the time. He would still freeze sometimes but not often and his therapist Fred gave him some techniques to work through if it happened.

"So Sam?" Kurt asked.

Blaine let out a breath. How was he supposed to answer that? He tried to put his thoughts about Sam together so he can talk to Kurt about it but as usual he couldn't. From what everyone told him about how Sam reacted after he got shot—from bolting out of the choir room, to basically attacking three SWAT officers, to never leaving his side at the hospital—and trying to reconcile it to how Sam behaved lately: always pulling a Houdini and never around when Blaine needed to find him or leaving as early as possible from their club meetings. Sam was avoiding Blaine which would indicate that he's pissed off or uncomfortable about something, but he's also noticed that Sam was watchful, too, how he would keep an eye on him between classes or how he tensed up if anyone approached Blaine. Sam didn't seem to want him to know so he kept it to himself. But it just confused Blaine.

It didn't help that his crush was still going strong and he might have done the stupid thing and gone ahead and fallen in love with his straight best friend. Frankly, as frustrating and irritating his actions have been lately, nothing Sam has done has diminished those feelings. In fact, all Sam has done has appealed to Blaine's sense of romance and mystery. Blaine sighed, he  _really_  needed to get over this. Fact. And Blaine smiled as he thought of Sam and his catchphrase.

"Oh my God you love him," Kurt said and Blaine blinked in surprise and looked up at Kurt. Blaine's cheeks bloomed red as he realized he not only forgot about Kurt sitting there but Kurt put it together rather quickly. He needed to do damage control and fast. He opened his mouth but Kurt cut him off.

"Oh no you don't Blaine Devon Anderson," Kurt said with twinkle in his eyes, "you are not going to pull the Anderson double-talk. I saw that expression on your face. You were thinking about him and you pulled the 'love face'."

"The 'love face'?" Blaine asked hoping to distract Kurt.

"Yes, it's the same face you had when you talked about Jeremiah, and when you almost adopted Hatter from the shelter and when—modesty aside—you looked at me when I sang 'Blackbird' back in Dalton," Kurt answered smugly. "And now I saw the—lovest? loviest? doesn't matter—the most extreme version of that face right now. While you were thinking about _Sam_. Well?"

Blaine sighed and fell back on the couch. He put the cushion on his face to muffle his groan. Kurt knew him all too well.

" _Noy_ Blaine?"

Blaine pulled the cushion from his face as he saw Yaya Estring by the door. He sat up and asked, "Yes yaya?"

" _Toto_  Sam is here, he's waiting in the front parlor," Yaya Estrella said as she walked in and picked up the tray of coffee and pastries.

"And that is my cue to leave," Kurt said with a triumphant expression on his face as he stood up and picked up his bag.

"Kurt you don't have to go," Blaine said hurriedly as he got up.

"I think you and Sam need to talk. It's long overdue," Kurt said with a half-smile. He stepped forward and hugged Blaine. "Whatever it is that's going on between you two, work it out. This is Sam. He's going to understand. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

Blaine hugged Kurt back and nodded. Kurt stepped away. Yaya Estring had quietly walked out while they were saying their goodbyes.

"Give my regards to Cooper and your parents," Kurt said as he walked out of the den. "We'll have to do dinner another time," Kurt said with a grin. "Don't worry, I'll show myself out."

Before Blaine could say anything, Kurt had slipped out the door but he smiled when he heard Kurt's parting shot.

"Courage!"


	7. Convergence

The Anderson’s front parlor seemed bathed in gold in the afternoon light. It’s Sam’s favorite room in the house, especially at this time of day. If he could get away with it, he and Blaine would do their homework here instead of up in Blaine’s room just so he could enjoy the way the light made everything warm and sunny. Everything in this room was chosen to make the most of that golden light and it makes Sam think that he’s been dipped in honey and surrounded by amber. He also appreciates the view of the garden from the huge French windows, the large garden absorbs all the ambient noise making it quite easy to forget that they were in the middle of a rather posh suburb; from here one can barely see the roof of the neighboring house.

But today, Sam couldn't really give the room or the garden his full attention. Sam’s heart was beating erratically, going a mile-a-minute. He didn't know what was going to happen only that starting now things were going to change. And change wasn't something he was comfortable with. Change always brought pain. His folks have taught him to find the good things so he could weather those changes, but it didn't lessen the pain, it just made it easier to live with. He thought about those times: Quinn dumping him made him see the futility of seeking popularity, being homeless taught him to learn what was worth keeping and what wasn't, moving away taught him who his real friends were, almost losing Blaine...well that’s why he’s here, wasn't it?

Sam knew that the only thing keeping him here was because he knew about Blaine's crush on him, and Sam was also really, really hoping that Blaine still does. So it’s not like he has zero-chance to be with Blaine but he is well aware that just because Blaine has a crush on him (please God let Blaine still have a crush on him), that didn't automatically mean he would want to be in a relationship with him.

Back when he was dating Quinn, Sam found Santana hot but he would never have dated her because she was scary as hell. It’s weird, now that he knows her better, he would be willing to try a relationship; except now that he knows she only likes girls, he wouldn't. And even now he will admit that Rachel is hot...sometimes, when she isn't being crazy, and probably wouldn't mind going out with her but only as friends. Rachel is scary but in a whole different way than Santana. Intense. She’s way too intense.

So just because Blaine finds Sam attractive doesn't mean that he’ll be willing to date him. Like Sebastian. Blaine admitted once to Sam that he thinks Sebastian is hot but even if he never met Kurt, he would never have dated Sebastian.

Sam starts to fidget. The peace the room normally provides burns away as his anxiety mounts. Sam begins to pace, thinking he should leave but as he reaches the door he turns around and walks back to the windows remembering his promise to himself, that life is too short but he doesn't want to lose Blaine and telling him might lose his best friend and he wants his...Blaine he wants Blaine to stay with him forever so he  _can’t_  tell him but he’s needs to talk to Blaine because he’s been avoiding him and if he keeps doing that he’ll lose him anyway but maybe it can wait?

Sam stops short in the middle of the room as he sees Blaine standing in the doorway. And he suddenly realizes why he loves this room so much in the afternoon light.

It’s the same color as Blaine’s eyes.

oOo

Blaine stood nervously as Sam was looking at him strangely. He was perplexed when he first walked in, Sam was pacing the room like a caged animal and Blaine’s initial greeting went unheard. Blaine had never seen Sam so agitated. When Sam got excited he would show this by either talking non-stop or do something physical to release the nervous energy in one big movement, like a jumping pirouette, but he would never pace like this, it’s uncharacteristic of him.

Then just as he was about to call out to him again, Sam stopped and saw him standing there and he was, well, looking at him like he never saw him before.

“Sam?” Blaine called out, his voice low and not a little worried. Sam didn't seem to hear and he had this expression on his face like he just solved a great big puzzle.

Blaine swallows a sigh and looks around the room, Sam's gaze was making him blush and he couldn't maintain eye-contact. He needed a distraction. He loves this room, especially at this time of day. It’s like liquid sunlight was poured in and painted everything Sam. The gold in Sam’s hair, the sparkle in his eyes, the warm tan of his skin, even the pinkness of his lips and the occasional blush on his cheeks, was in this room. And with Sam standing there in the middle with the sunlight behind him making him glow like an angel, Blaine knew he would never forget this image of Sam. No matter what happened, he will carry this in his heart forever.

“Blaine.”

Blaine blinked and looked back at Sam. Sam raised his hand in a quiet plea for Blaine to come close, so he nodded and stepped forward. Sam finally seemed to realize he was staring and he ducked his head down while the hand he had extended to Blaine he quickly pulled back and grabbed the back of his neck. Blaine could see the red flushing up his throat and he could see the red splashes on his cheeks.

Sam probably realized that Blaine knew he was avoiding him. Well Blaine could put him at ease with regards to that. They went through something traumatic and Blaine almost died, he’s sure it rattled Sam. Blaine could be generous seeing as his friend was here and no longer running away.

Everything will be fine. They’re Blam. They can get through this. Sam was okay about learning about the crush. He can tone down his feelings so Sam won’t freak out but still tell him a bit of the truth and then everything will be okay. And holy shit Sam is talking and Blaine was too busy staring and not paying attention.

“—so I’m really sorry about that and I promise it won’t happen again, okay?”

“Um, sure Sam,” Blaine said, he figured he could say that honestly since he knew that Sam could apologize for killing New Directions and Blaine would still forgive him. “No apologies necessary, I completely understand.” Blaine was sure of that, too, because Sam tended to apologize for things he had no control over and while Blaine wasn't quite sure what Sam was apologizing for he’s sure that as soon as he figures out what it was he will understand so it’s not like he’s lying.

Sam let out a breath of relief.

“Okay, thanks, and I promise, from now on, no more running away. If I have a problem I’ll tell you.”

Blaine smiled and was relieved that was cleared up quickly and knew that he really didn't lie to Sam (and that Sam really didn't kill New Directions).

“Um, is Kurt still here?” Sam asked hesitantly, “I saw his car when I pulled up and the thing is I gotta tell you the next important thing and it’s kinda big but if Kurt is waiting—”

What next thing? Blaine wondered but he quickly reassured Sam. “Kurt was here but he left.”

“Okay because this is going to be hard enough,” Sam said and Blaine could see the nerves getting to Sam again.

Blaine frowned and quickly put his hand on Sam’s arm, instinctively wanting to give Sam comfort. Sam closed his eyes and his other hand swiftly moved to cover Blaine’s hand on his arm and squeezed it tight.

“Sam?” Blaine asked, he couldn't help but let the worry creep into his voice. “What’s wrong?”

Sam didn't answer right away. And right before Blaine could ask again, he let out a big breath and then opened his eyes. Sam pulled Blaine's hand from his arm but kept his hold on it. Sam looked at their clasped hands and his thumb started drawing lazy patterns at the back of Blaine’s hand.

Blaine couldn't help but feel the goosebumps explode across his arms and down his back as Sam’s calloused thumb gently skimmed across his skin, with the rest of his large, warm hands so gently holding on to his own. His mind jumped to the possibility that Sam might be...but his heart clamped down tight, shoving the thought deep down where he couldn't think it. He focused on something else, something that he can work with and ignored the path that might lead to pain and disappointment.

“What’s wrong Sam?” Blaine asked gently. “What’s bothering you? How can I help?”

Sam opened his mouth and then closed it. He still kept staring at their hands but Blaine could see him start to shake. Concerned, Blaine put his free hand on Sam’s shoulder and he could feel Sam trembling. He could see tears start to pool in Sam’s eyes and Blaine went from concerned to full-blown worry.

Sam whispered something, his voice rough and too low to hear.

“Sam?” Blaine asked in a whisper, his hands squeezing trying to give comfort. “I didn't hear—”

“Don’t leave me,” Sam said brokenly. "Ever." He looked up at Blaine and Blaine’s heart clenched at Sam’s expression. “You have to promise not to get hurt again, you can’t do that, okay? You can’t leave me like that? Please Blaine?”

Blaine started nodding and his heart ached for Sam and pulled him into a hug and Sam grabbed him tight and he still kept whispering into Blaine’s ears as both of them started crying.

“You can’t leave me Blaine, ever, okay? You can’t die on me, we’re supposed to be together forever and you can’t do that if you get shot. So you have to be okay and you promise to be with me, right? You aren't leaving me alone again, right? Please Blaine? I don’t care where you go or what you’re going to do but promise me that I get to come with you, okay? Please?”

And Blaine couldn't say anything but yes. Of course yes. Blaine pulled back a bit and let his forehead touch Sam’s. Sam’s arms loosened a bit but he kept it tight around Blaine’s waist.

“Together forever Sam,” Blaine promised. “Wherever you go, I’ll be there, I promise. We’ll figure it out together and I promise to be safe and I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry, I’m sorry Sam, please forgive me...”

And Blaine felt his heart breaking; he finally understood how lost Sam must have been; because if anything happened to Sam, to his Sam, he would have gone insane. If someone had hurt Sam, Blaine would have burned that person to ash. And if it was Sam in that hospital room, Blaine blinked back tears, and he shuddered at the thought that if it was Sam who was shot...and to think that he put Sam through that. Jesus how could he do that to Sam?

“It’s okay, baby, please don’t cry, it isn't your fault,” Sam was whispering to him. Blaine realized he was babbling and panicking and it’s Sam who was the one now calming him down, kissing his face, rubbing his back—

Kissing his face.

Kissing.

Sam was kissing him.

Blaine’s voice trailed off and he looked at Sam, really looked at him. Sam had put one of his hands to cup Blaine’s face and used his thumb to wipe Blaine’s tears. His expression was filled with concern and worry and...love.

“Are you okay?” Sam asked him.

And Blaine threw himself forward and kissed Sam right on the mouth. Sam was shocked for a moment but he quickly kissed Blaine back. It was awkward and frenzied and desperate and the most amazing thing Blaine ever felt.

Eventually they broke apart, their foreheads once again touching, their arms tightly around one another. They were both breathing heavily and Blaine couldn't help but grin. He didn't know who chuckled first, but soon they were both giggling and laughing in each other’s arms and Sam would kiss his forehead, his nose, his cheeks and Blaine couldn't help but gasp at the look of  _wonder_  on Sam’s face. A look he was quite sure was also on his own face.

“I love you, Sam.”

Blaine had no fear now. Not with Sam beside him.

“I love you, too.”

And Blaine’s heart was painted gold and swam with liquid sunlight.

“What happens, now?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know,” Blaine answered, the certainty of his tone an ironic contrast to his words. “But we’ll figure it out together.” Blaine looked to Sam to see if this was okay with him.

Sam’s blinding smile was answer enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay.
> 
> Basically the story is done, just the epilogue to follow.


	8. Serendipity

“Sam! C’mon! We were supposed to be on the road an hour ago!”

“Give me a sec!” Sam put down some strips of bacon on a pancake and liberally doused it in syrup before rolling it up like burrito. “Sorry but Yaya Estring made bacon and pancakes!”

“Bye Yaya!” Blaine kisses Yaya Estring’s cheek as she makes a sign of the cross on his and Sam’s foreheads.

“You two drive safe, okay?” She admonishes them.

“Yes Yaya!” Sam says kisses her on her other cheeks, his lips sticky with maple syrup. “Bye!”

“C’mon! If Coop catches up with us before we leave, we won’t hit the road until after lunch!”

Both boys scrambled into Blaine’s SUV. As much as they both have gotten close with Cooper these last couple of months, they were eager to start on their road trip.

Things were rocky for a while after Sam and Blaine got together. Brittany did not take it well. Blaine never learned what actually happened but things fell quickly. When Brittany came home from MIT, Sam went to her house to talk. Later that evening he came over to Blaine’s and simply said that it was over. Brittany never went back to McKinley, later that week, Blaine found out that Brittany accepted MIT’s offer and left for Massachusetts without seeing anyone else in Lima. It’s the one thing Sam doesn’t talk about and Blaine has promised himself never to ask.

Of course that meant New Directions drama, Unique had gotten close to Brittany during the shooting and felt offended for Brittany’s sake but even she couldn’t stay mad at Sam for long. Most of the people who were upset were the alums, since they were friends with Brittany longer…notably Santana and Quinn. But Quinn was more upset that Brittany was upset and was not really angry at Sam. Santana was a whole other story but she could only afford one ticket and she decided going to Massachusetts was worth more than going to Ohio.

Fortunately things got better after that, particularly in the school. Dean Anderson’s programs were a big hit in McKinley and with Burt Hummel aggressively backing them; they saw widespread implementation in the district: gay/straight alliances, youth counseling, art and music programs, anti-bullying campaigns and involving teens in community programs outside of school.

Riding high on the popularity his near-death experience brought him, he used the good morale and publicity it generated (yes, he pandered to the crowds during competition) to bring home national championships for both the New Directions and the Cheerios.

But Blaine saw something bothering Sam. And he remembered it wasn’t until he saw Sam looking at Blaine’s college applications that he realized what it was.

“I just realized something,” he had said, startling Sam.

“What’s that?” Sam asked.

“My life has completely changed, you know?”

“Well,” Sam said with a smirk as walked closer to Blaine, “not _completely_.”

“No,” he agreed, he sighed when Sam’s arms went around him and he turned his face up to receive a kiss. “But it has changed.”

“For the better, though, right?” Sam asked worriedly and Blaine wanted to kick himself for putting it there.

“Yes, Sam, of course for the better,” he had quickly assured him. “But it got me thinking.”

“Uh-oh, that doesn’t bode well for us mere mortals.”

Blaine remembered smiling in relief that Sam was back to teasing him.

“Shut up, you,” he said with a smile, “I just think that maybe I shouldn’t be in a rush to get to New York, you know?”

There. Blaine saw it. How could Sam believe he was stupid when he put things together so quickly? He quickly jumped in before Sam said anything.

“Yes, it has something to do with us getting together but,” he had said, cutting Sam off from saying anything, “but it has also has something to do with getting shot and making me look at my life and thinking about what is really important to me.”

He saw Sam calm down. He almost let loose a breath of relief.

“And what’s that?”

“I don’t know,” Blaine said honestly. “But I intend to find out.”

“By not going to New York?” Sam asked. “Blaine you wanted to be in New York since you were old enough to know where Broadway was!”

“I know,” he had said calmly. He knew the only way to get Sam to listen was to stay calm. “And that drive has maybe made me miss other opportunities out there for me.”

Sam had gently disengaged himself from Blaine and stepped back.

“It’s because I can’t make it to New York,” Sam said glumly. “You shouldn’t give up your dream for me, that isn’t right!”

“And I’m not.” Blaine said fighting to stay cool.  He hated it when Sam puts himself as second, as not important.  He really, really hated it.

“What?”

“I’m taking a gap year.”

“A gap year?” Sam asked and Blaine remembered smiling at the adorable look of confusion on his face.

“I’m deferring college for a year,” Blaine explained. “It’s a plan that not only my parents support but my therapist thinks is a very mature decision.”

Blaine took Sam’s hand and led him to the couch. They both sat and Blaine took both of Sam’s hands. He smiled as Sam’s fingers immediately, almost absently, started stroking the skin on his hands.

“You and I, Sam, both of us coming together, it’s a big thing for me,” Blaine had said. “Don’t ever doubt that, okay?” He waited until he saw Sam nod before continuing. “But on top of that, it feels like I got my father back _and_ I have Cooper living here again _and_ I got shot and almost died…all these things, _all of them_ , made me want to stop and take a look and see what’s important and what I really want. And I don’t want to figure that out in a couple of weeks. I want time…and I also want to spend time with you.”

Blaine was rewarded by seeing Sam break out into a shy smile.

“So you aren’t going away to New York?” Sam asked hopefully.

“Not any time soon, no, and who knows, maybe after the gap year, maybe New York is not where I want to be.”

“So what do you want to do?” Sam, realizing that Blaine wasn’t acting on a whim, relaxed and started to get interested in his plans.

“Spend some time with Coop and Dad…just, you know, hanging but what I really want to do is…” And Blaine had remembered getting really nervous. He looked up at Sam’s face and all he could see was that happy expression, and he knew that his worries were for nothing.

“I want to go on a roadtrip…with you.”

“With me?” Sam had asked incredulously. “Really?”

“Yes, you bonehead!” Blaine exclaimed, he could not believe Sam sometimes. “You’re my boyfriend! I want to spend a lot of time with you!”

“Where do you want to go?” Sam asked excitedly.

“I think we owe your parents a visit, and then let’s throw a dart on the map.”

“Really?”

“I think we should go on this trip and find out what are lives will be like…together.” Blaine moved closer and took Sam’s face in one of his hands, thrilled that he was allowed to do this. “I made you a promise, remember? You and me, together.”

“Forever.”

Blaine slips back into the present as Sam drives them out of his parents’ driveway. He already considers his childhood home his parents’ house and no longer his own.

He’s okay with that. Losing things isn’t always a bad thing, if you appreciated them when you had it. Also, when you lose something, he thinks as he looks at his boyfriend singing along to whatever it was coming out of his speakers, sometimes it’s to make room for something better to take its place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is. Not completely happy with it, but better to finish unsatisfied than never to finish at all! Thank you for patience. I will come back to this a few times to tweak and fix but here it is.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
